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| Designer Sarah Burton from Alexander McQueen wearing a huge coonskin cap to foil the paparazzi |
wearables are the next big thing.
Anti-Surveillance is hot right now
If I were a celebrity, I would spend all my time flipping off the Paparazzi. I hate them. I have fantasized about ways I would thwart them if they were hounding me.
- A mister filled with mineral oil to create a cloud to fuck up their cameras
- A laser suit with thousands of beams that would permanently burn out their SLRs and/or Retinas
- A partition, say 6'x6' of translucent silk in an ultralight frame, with Fuck you paparazzi woven into the fabric. Every picture they get is unprintable
- A Veil with special anti-camera properties
- A bag on my head
But now everyone has to worry about the new paparazzi, the NYPD
Introducing the domain awareness system, which debuted in NYC last August.
all-seeing-big-bro-domain-awareness-system-coming-all-34000-nypd-cops
It can recognize your face in real time, and then search through its archives to see where you've been. It knows your scars, tattoos, your gait, and can analyze your mood. It's tied into license plate readers and will instantly access all the cameras within 500 feet of a 911 call. Suddenly we are all being stalked by a paparazzo the size of King Kong.
So I say "put a bague(tm) on your head"
Le Bague (tm)
The trick is to find a material that lets light pass perfectly in one direction and blocks light from the other. It would be cool if it could do some wearable trick, like light up or something. And of course, it has to be a "Breathable" fabric. um, Literally.
Most importantly: It should have false pupils, nose and mouth, so that the NSA can't identify you from your face. It could also disguise height and hide hair and eye color.
Disguising Your Gait, Your License Plate, Your Cellphone Signal, and Credit Cards....? We'll keep working on it.
Of course the perfect Bague? ..... Here it is
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